I'm happy. Why am I telling people this here? Because it's bittersweet, tenuous, and utterly insane.
But what's that cliche? Nothing worth having is ever free or easy? Someone Somewhere must love my reactions. I finally have something worth fighting for, and I can only let things happen as they will. Influencing anything in any way would just be too dishonorable, regardless of how much I wish differently.
BUT I have it now. Even if it's gone tomorrow, I had it today, and that's more than I ever thought I'd have.