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Author Topic: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries  (Read 1980 times)

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Offline JakeSoft

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New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« on: April 01, 2019, 07:28:39 AM »
In a surprise move, Plecter Labs just announced that it has merged with Naigon’s Electronic Creations (NEC) to form “Burnt Toast Industries”. No longer competing with each other, the two saber sound giants have combined their resources and expertise to develop an amazing new product that makes all current options obsolete! After only a short time they discovered previously unheard of possibilities by combining NEC’s Saber Igniter with a Plecter Labs Nano Biscotte and some other unidentified technologies. They playfully dubbed the new product the “Burnt Biscuit”, and it is the future of saber sound!

Let’s take a look at the features!

-   Smaller than a postage stamp!
-   Runs for up to 10 years on a single 1.5V wrist-watch battery!
-   Thanks to built-in quantum storage techniques, has support for trillions of sound fonts. No more SD Card woes!
-   Can project a self-contained beam of light up to two meters in length. It makes pixel blades and LEDs obsolete!
-   Thanks to an advanced new type of sensor, the blade color automatically adjusts color and flicker to your mood. No more tweaking settings!
-   Supports billions of accent LEDs in any sequence you can imagine!

As if that weren’t enough, the board INSTALLS ITSELF! No more messy soldering! No more wiring diagrams! Throw out your soldering iron and all your electrical tools! Just drop it into any tube-shaped object and that tube instantly becomes a saber!

Despite the amazing set of features, combining supply chains of the two companies allows for production of these new boards at a unit cost is only 50 cents per board! That’s right, one half USD!

Now, as with most new technologies, there are some drawbacks.

First, for undisclosed reasons, the boards can only be produced in the UK. So, customers outside the UK can expect to pay a 200 USD shipping charge for each unit bringing the total price to 200.50 USD delivered.

Second, I am told that board’s underlying technology is incompatible with SmoothSwing fonts. I know that might be a deal-breaker for some. Honestly, it made me think twice about even posting this, but I think at least a few people might find the trade-offs worth the advantages, but time will tell.

So, let's all welcome the new Burnt Biscuit!

Remember, you hear this first right here on FX-Sabers!

This post is a joke. All claims made within it are fictious attempts at humor. Happy April 1st!
« Last Edit: April 01, 2019, 07:31:42 AM by JakeSoft »

Offline erv

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2019, 07:53:30 AM »
xxx yeah, only on Fx-Sabers forums !  :azn:

LMAO Jake, it's excellent ! I got close to "jump the gun" when I saw the title then smiled, then grinned !  :cheesy:

Happy April's Fool everyone !!!

Offline Darkmatter73

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2019, 08:54:31 AM »
I'm in for 10 boards!  :cheesy:

Darkmatter73

Offline Jediseth

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2019, 04:41:47 PM »
Lol,  I wish it ran 10 years. You’d be able to make billions with Apple alone with a battery like that.

Offline K-2SO

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2019, 05:14:55 PM »
OK, as far as April Fool’s jokes go, this was funny.




I find your arguments vague and unconvincing.

Quiet! *Slap* And there’s a fresh one if you mouth off again.

Offline Obi_1

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2019, 02:22:27 AM »

Arghhhh Jake, you nearly fooled me! I took me at least 10 seconds to know it for an April's fool! But you made me laugh!

Offline jbkuma

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2019, 06:53:01 AM »
I hope they put a trademark on that technology.

Offline JakeSoft

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2019, 08:05:31 AM »
I'm glad I could give you all a laugh.  :smiley:

I just wish I knew how far each person had to read before they realized it was a joke. I tried to make the first paragraph at least sound plausible, but then make the post more ridiculous as it went on.

It's so great that you all got the many inside jokes. This humor wouldn't work anywhere else. I love FX-Sabers! :yoda:

Offline erv

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2019, 09:14:32 AM »
you kept building up, I liked it a lot. Back in the day, we were receiving one or two *very* good april's fool joke at ircam, by email, from an fake address and some hard to trace person, really good obfuscation.
I recall one stating that there was an ongoing partnership between the Institute and the local BHV (a huge historic department store nearby) with an underground corridor / tunnel for VIP access to go shopping and access the public transports, straight next to the concert hall at the -4 level. Some director / team department initiated the deal and got unlimited access. Back seaters only got a -5% discount on some leather couch from the store and were complaining about the priviledge situation. Very well written.

Offline EXAR KUN

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Re: New Company: Burnt Toast Industries
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2019, 01:03:26 PM »
Haha very funny indeed!

Can't tell you how many times I would get fooled by an April Fool's announcement in years past on here lol