Author Topic: I need help...  (Read 5147 times)

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Offline darthmorbius

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I need help...
« on: August 02, 2009, 03:49:15 AM »
To everyone.

I have come to a frightening realization, and I have taken too much time in doing so.  Unfortunately, I have allowed my own depression, lack of self criticism, and egotistical rantings get the better of who I really am.

I started out here with the best of intentions; To help those in need of guidance regarding sabers, and enjoying what many of us love about something magical.  I let all that fall by the wayside due to many personal issues.

I have allowed my life to spiral out of control, and I have let a great many people down, including my own family, both here on these forums, and in my personal life.  After a long dry spell in creativity, as well as an overly drawn out break from EVERYTHING, I have done a lot of soul searching.  In doing so, I have realized that I have done many things to make this situation worse.

Why am I writing this in the Outer Rim Section?  Because I am Outer Rim Armory.  Just me...  Many have tried to help, but I just do not know where to turn for guidance. I feel as though I am slipping away from who I truly am, and into a fetid quagmire...

Here I sit, fallen from the graces, and all because I allowed myself to become weak, fighting things that need not be fought, while ignoring the things that require my attention.

My youngest daughter just celebrated her 2nd birthday, and all I could think about was getting things taken care of business wise, while still keeping my head above water, and not allowing the depths to claim me.

I know that I am extremely behind with all things saber at the moment.  Jango Fett and I are working on getting the situation with the Overlords straightened out.  This weekend has been spent getting everything squared away, and I will be transferring a few hilts to him so that we can get things cut and dried on that end.

I also realize that I have many other orders outstanding that I need to fill.  I selfishly took a little too much personal time to mentally and physically heal.  For that I apologize, and I do want everyone to know that I am working on getting things together to attempt to get all orders cleared in a manner that will best suit quality as well as speed.

To those that want to keep reminding me of my shortcomings, I would like to thank ou for ever so vigilantly doing so.  I mean no disrespect when I say this.  I was wrong for running off with my tail between my legs, and hiding from a world that I felt no longer cared enough.

Basically, I know that in business, it is not anyone's place to care about anything but business.  Unfortunately, I am not a drone to be commanded, and I too have feelings, just like everyone else.

I want to thank the following people for sticking it through, and encouraging me to come forth as I am now. 

Jango - Dude, how can you stand even talking to me anymore?  Seriously, your offer of assistance is greatly appreciated, but I would like to get some of this taken care of myself.  I am going to take you up on part of that offer, and I still have to get some calculations in order for what we discussed on the phone.

Raijlin - Marine, you knew just when to call to remind me that I need to kick the tires and light the fires.  You put a lot of things into perspective, and I value our friendship.

Ultra - Alex, you have done more for me than anyone else, but I feel as though there is some friction here man.  I've tried calling you quite a few times, and to no avail.  I have been informed of the move going on, and I need to explain some things to you. If only to clarify, and to apologize for my shortcomings.

Yoda - Thank you for your Pep talk the other day.  It helped, and I am feeling the urge to get my butt in gear again to put right the things that went WAAAYYY Wrong.

Luke - I got your message the other day, and had meant to call you back.  It's been rough attempting to contact all those that have called. Please forgive, and allow me a few days to get things taken care of.

Master Jedye - Man, I really appreciate all you have done, and I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for a few months here.  Expect an email from me in the next week.  :)

Chewie - Dude!  Same as for MJ.  8)

GMLumpy - Lumpy, I got your message Yesterday. I should say I was relieved to hear from you, and I may just be asking some advice friend... I need some guidance.

To everyone that I owe parts, services, and sabers - You are NOT forgotten, nor are you ignored.  I had some major stuff to work out personally, and for that I am sincerely sorry.  I let my insecurities and personal issues get in the way of taking care of what I should have done LONG ago.  I have literally THOUSANDS of emails to pour through, and quite a few shipping labels to print, amidst taking time to seek out a way to pay the bills to keep the shop running as to get all this overhead and backlogging taken care of.

I took on way too much of a workload, and allowed it to frizzle-fry any semblance of efficiency.  I made my bed, and now I am laying in it.  It's time to tackle the beast, bite the bullet, and go for broke (not like I can get any worse off at this point).

I have not slept for over 48 hours now, worrying about how I am going to accomplish all of this.  My Children will be up soon, and I still have a mountain of sabers to take care of.

I know this may all seem a bit jumbled, and rambling on, but there is this thing called sleep deprivation that is keeping my thoughs off a normal track, so I apologize for the random spurts of excessive typing. 

I toss and turn every night, wracked with thoughts of failure (which I have already accepted), as well as worries about where I am going, and how I am going to get there. 

I think I need to seek out professional help.  Does anyone know any decent programs that offer pro bono psychological treatment?  :-[  I need help.  My mind is racing, and I feel really lost some days.  :P

Offline darthmorbius

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2009, 03:59:33 AM »
Sorry for the excessive posting here, but I need to vent a little, and you all know me.  Why does it always have to feel like I am begging for forgiveness on here?  Why can't I just get the needed motivation to accomplish simple goals like getting things done on time anymore?

I kicked a few thoughts around the other day, and even stood at my work station in my shop just staring at all of these sabers that are awaiting my finishing touches, and I just cannot bring myself to pick up the tools. I locked myself in the shop and just stood there staring in disbelief at the seemingly never ending pile of metal, plastic, and wire. Wondering when I am going to be able to have it all clear.

To some of you this may seem like a trivial thing, but to me it is a big deal.  I have NEVER been so ashamed of myself, nor have I ever allowed myself to get this far behind...

Wha the heck have I been thinking lately? I really wish I knew!

Offline darth_call

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2009, 04:14:13 AM »
Darth Tyranus,

I have to go to work right now, but I'll be PMing you shortly, stick around if u can.
I am glad u have opened this line of communication.

Allow those who offered help, to help. We are doing it for no other reason than to help you and to help your customers. We have never questioned your ability, we simply wanted to help you.

Offline Orakaa

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2009, 04:15:57 AM »
DT, as you said before, you had many different issues.

Having troubles can happen to anyone, yet yours seem to be quite big. Let people help you
Keeping communication is probably the most important. I guess many people wouldn't have started to be scared if the communication had still been there (I'm not saying this to blame you) because they started to fear they wouldn't get their stuff in the end.
I think I'm not the only one to think that, as long as I know I'll have my stuff one day or the other, I can TOTALLY understand any delay, especially with what's happening to you right now

It's REALLY easy to get overwhelmed... especially in your condition

You've always been a TRUSTED member of this community and most of us out there won't even think about it afterwards as long as you're honest/direct with us, as you are here.
And you have many friends out there willing to help you

Orakaa - photographer, photoshop expert and graphic designer

Offline wookieecrisp

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2009, 05:09:34 AM »

Please, just get all the sabers done and shipped out and then take care of yourself. I hope the Overlord situation will not ruin your reputation. I have looked up to you and still do. Thank you! ;) ;)


Offline darthmorbius

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2009, 05:13:04 AM »

Please, just get all the sabers done and shipped out and then take care of yourself. I hope the Overlord situation will not ruin your reputation. I have looked up to you and still do. Thank you! ;) ;)


Uhhh.... Yeah.... Get bent. ::) J/K man

Offline Onli-Won Kanomi

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2009, 05:31:08 AM »
Well your reputation is secure in my eyes for one...I admit to having wondered if you were medically capable to take care of all the business you had originally intended in the wake of all the serious health and other problems that have been described...but I didn't doubt your honest intention to do so when you took that business on and your integrity has never been in doubt as far as I am concerned, so I'm glad to hear you are recovering.
To DREAM the IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. To FIGHT the unbeatable foe. To BEAR with unbearable sorrow. To RUN where the brave dare not go. To RIGHT the unrightable wrong. To LOVE, PURE AND CHASTE, FROM AFAR [-sigh-]. To TRY, when your arms are too weary; to REACH the unreachable Star!... This is my Quest; To follow that Star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far...

Offline GMLumpy

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2009, 06:01:28 AM »
I just missed you!
oh well I will be calling you Derek later on this morning (I have to help my wife with my son). but around 10 or so I will be calling you.

remember you have friends, and therefore you have hope.
take care my friend.
May the Lord of the force be with you.

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Offline PokerJedi

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2009, 07:58:27 AM »

I have faith in you; that hasn't changed.   :)

Based on this thread I've just read, you've got a massive support system (we truly do care...).

I might not be a sabersmith by any stretch of imagination, but if you need any kind of admin assistance or help funding for shipping, PLMK.

I'll be calling very shortly.

Tim the PokerJedi

Offline Master Jedye

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2009, 08:13:39 AM »
Tried to call have my number, call me back please.

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2009, 08:40:56 AM »
I have no doubt in your abilities and that you will get everyone taken care of. I've been not in the exact same spot obviously, but one where I was doing the same thing looking at a pile of work without being able to do it or stop starring at it. I agree with the others to rely on as many as you can if even only just for support and talk. The quicker that pile deminishes too even as hard as it may seem to get through the more of a relief it will seem to be as well. I've always found your knowledge to be incredible and extensive. You have been and always will be a value to the community and still are. Wish I had the knowledge to be of some help to you as well. Good luck with everything my friend.


Offline Lee-Ahm Jinn

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2009, 09:04:53 AM »
My offer to help sort this out still stands. I have access to some of the Overlord stuff here.
We are moving the shop now to this address...

Ultrasabers LLC
Attn. Liam
11125 West Nevada
Youngtown, AZ. 85363

Even if you just want to send a little of it my way, that is OK.
I personally have a UPS account of my own that I can arrange shipment.
Steps forward are all acomplishments, regardless of the stride.

I really feel for your family problems, do anything to work on it, do EVERYTHING to save it.
I just lost my Lady (the Doctor, yes the one in my easter egg pictures on my ultrasabers posts) and she is already with another man because I didn't do everything to save it.
I let me and my work become too important, and lost my beautiful heart, my one true love of my life.
Please do not make the same mistake.

Again, if there is ANYTHING that I can do to help, I have the time now, and desperately need the distraction.

Be seeing you.
Free Agent
Darth Maul is a cut-up. I get the point.

Offline Reaver

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2009, 09:32:01 AM »
The support is still here, that's a good sign. We've been angry, we've been frustrated, we've felt ignored, some of us had given up hope. I personally may have given up too quickly. That's a flaw on my end, and pessimism has always been second nature to me. For that, I apologize. I think mistakes were made all around, on every side and angle. But here we are, most of us ready to admit them, offer again any assistance we can, and hope to move things along. I'm no 'smith, but will again offer whatever help I can. You need more time to heal? We'd all be ok with that, really. We'd all support you. just let us help when you need it. That's why communities exist, so no man need stand alone to face the storm.

I hope that, in the midst of the frustration and ranting about the situation, you still heard the admiration people had for you from the start. I think that can be restored (If you want it to, and care about our whiny butts at this point). Communication is they key. Tell us what you need, and what we can do to help. Tell us what's happening. Help us understand, so we can help you.

I do hope you're getting better. I do hope things progress from here. And I do hope you accept help, when offered. And let's all hope that light I finally see at the end of the tunnel is NOT the headlight of an oncoming train....
Honor the man who falls by the sword,
But pity the warrior who has slain all his enemies.

Offline Senti Xamas

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2009, 10:03:03 AM »
Derek, keep your head up. You have been a long standing member and very trustworthy for many years. You were one of the first to greet me when I first joined, so I have always had respect for you. I am sorry for jumping into the mob. that was impatience on my part. The communication thing just sucked. I am very sorry that things for you have gotten so bad for family, and health. You are an AWESOME sabersmith, and a very valuable part of this community. I dont think this place would be the same if you ever left. If I can help in any way, all you need to do is ask. If you're feeling lost, remember this small verse:

Proverbs3, 5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Offline morrisart85

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Re: I need help...
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2009, 02:01:44 PM »
D, You've been a friend for a while, and we've had some long drawn out talks. I wouldn't have busted my hump trying to give you the best website I could if I didn't think you were an honorable guy. The number I had for you was disconnected, or I would have called. I've been there as much as I could to lend you and ear and even more. I'm sorry things are tough, even more that they got worse. I can't pretend to know what's going on, but you have to know that I have been, and will be here for you. You have my email, msn, and phone number. I don't have much else to say other than keep your head up. I'm not against you. Let me know what I can do.